It’s no secret that having a baby changes, well, everything. You have many more responsibilities and time gets away from you much easier. With a child taking up most of that time, you have less and less time for your partner. That inevitably means less time for sex. If this sounds familiar, I have a few suggestions below that might help you find that spark again:
Take advantage of free moments
Now that you have a little one who needs you most of the day and even at night, your free time is fleeting. If you know your baby will be taking a nap at a certain time or bed time is early enough that you have some time before your own bedtime, take advantage of those moments. If you feel comfortable enough getting a babysitter for an hour or two in the evening, get out and enjoy each other in those moments as well.
Prepare yourself ahead of time
Pick out lingerie to wear, send sexy texts back and forth with your partner throughout the day to get your mind in the mood, or fantasize about something that turns you on. The more you can do to boost the thought of sex ahead of time, the less time it will take for you to get in the mood when that moment arrives.
You may have to be more strategic and less spontaneous than you were previously. Plan with your partner and set measurable goals together about how many times a day/week/month you want to have sex. Keep this number in mind and check in with each other to reevaluate if necessary. Mark it on your calendar and make it a priority. If something comes up as a conflict, make sure to reschedule. If sex is important for you as a couple, don’t let it disappear.
Find new places around the house to have sex or take a drive to a secluded area and have sex there. Create and enact fantasies to keep things exciting and make sex something to look forward to. Again, if you can have someone watch your baby while you and your partner go out, do it.
Remember foreplay counts too
Sometimes (ok, many times), it’s difficult to have a full sexual encounter either because of time constraints, the baby being present, or just not “feeling it”. Foreplay can be just as good so kiss softly and slowly, embrace for long periods, hold hands, cuddle on the couch and see where it might go. If it leads to sex, great! If not, don’t worry. The more you and your partner connect through touch on a regular basis, the easier it will be to connect more intimately and sexually when the time is right.
Of course, if sex was impossible after having one child, no one would ever have siblings. So just know that even though it might take a little more maneuvering than it previously did, you CAN have a satisfying sex life again (and probably create a little brother or sister eventually!).