My wife and I recently decided on a shared epitaph for our gravestone. The summation of our accomplishments in life would be expressed thusly: “They accomplished morning sex in spite of three children running around the house”. In the therapy world, we talk about an idea called “range of affect”. Range of affect means that a person is able to experience a wide range of emotions appropriate to different situations. This is actually a positive indicator of mental health. Therap

One of my favorite infomercials is for the Slap Chop. (No, I’m not compensated for this, nor do I necessary endorse this product.) If you don’t know what this product is, please visit the website here: www.slapchop.com. It’s a simple gadget to make slicing and dicing different foods a breeze with minimal effort and easy cleanup. The reason I love this infomercial is not necessarily for the actual product, but the way the salesperson is presenting it. That it will basically so

In my last blog post, I addressed lonliness as a sign that you may be falling into a troubled relationship. Feeling lonely while in a relationship with someone signals that you have disconnected somehow and are struggling to find the spark that initially brought you together in the beginning. Today, I'm addressing another topic that could be a red flag in your relationship: silence. Don't get me wrong, the comfortable silences where you know what the other person is feeling a

"We used to be best friends and now we hardly speak." "It's like we're just roommates living parallel lives." "I feel more alone now than when I was single." "We are so disconnected. He/she just doesn't get me anymore." I hear these things often when I work with couples who come to see me. There are tears, hurt feelings, sadness, and sometimes even hopelessness when we talk about the current state of their relationship. Sadly, some couples come to counseling when it's way too

Becoming a mom has been one of the hardest roles of my life - even more difficult than being a business owner, a wife, a friend, a sister, or a daughter. It takes all of my physical, mental, and emotional strength some days. Being a mom often robs me of the energy I want to have for other things. Don't get me wrong... most days are wonderful and a huge blessing. I can't believe how lucky I am to have a person as sweet as my little baby who is just beginning to learn how to sa

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you’ve probably gotten to the point of being in “the comfort zone”. This is where you and your partner have fallen into a routine of whatever is easiest, quickest, and (let’s face it) boring. Many times, it looks like this: go to work, come home, have dinner, watch TV, go to bed, repeat. If you have kids, there are a few more steps, but usually the pattern is pretty similar. The comfort zone is nice at times. There are few expectati

In my last post, I talked about how relationships are like cars in that both need proper maintenance to keep in top shape. Today, I want to give you a handy tool that I think makes a huge difference in maintaining a good relationship. It’s no secret that I love Dr. John Gottman’s work. I reference his books and ideas quite often. This tool is one of his gems I find myself talking to couples about frequently. In his years of studying many different couples, he has found that t

It’s no secret that having a baby changes, well, everything. You have many more responsibilities and time gets away from you much easier. With a child taking up most of that time, you have less and less time for your partner. That inevitably means less time for sex. If this sounds familiar, I have a few suggestions below that might help you find that spark again: Take advantage of free moments Now that you have a little one who needs you most of the day and even at night, you

After taking a short break from blogging for two months, I'm excited to be back! I have decided to focus my practice more specifically to address parents of younger children. This means my blog posts will talk about children, parenting, you and your significant other, and strategies on how to improve these relationships. From here on, you can look forward to my blog posts the 1st and 3rd Mondays of each month. Today, I'll be addressing whether you and your partner are in a "m

When is the last time you went on a date? A real date? Received flowers or gave a small token of your love to your partner? Dressed up and went to a fancy dinner with a date? Felt like you were the only person in the world your date wanted to spend time with that evening? Let me rephrase: when is the last time you and your spouse went on a date? If you are married, perhaps it's been a long time since you've dated. I'm here to tell you DATING DOES NOT HAVE TO DIE AFTER MARRIAG